Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Someone shattered a urinal.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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