either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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