he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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