I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
