Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
