you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
