Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
