wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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