just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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