she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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