just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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