i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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