make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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