So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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