I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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