I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
