birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
