i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
