No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
