Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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