Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
