I'm gonna have a badass scar
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
