And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
