That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
