So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
