yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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