If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
