Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
