corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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