How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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