I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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