i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
