Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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