I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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