She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
