A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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