we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
