Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
