I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
