I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
