What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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