He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
