I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
