I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
