Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
