I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
