It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
