I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
