Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well you can't waste a boner
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
