What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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