Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
