and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
