The maid of honor just puked.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
