We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
