hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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