I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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