went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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