He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
