Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
