I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
