didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
