I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need moral support for this bender
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
