I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So vagazzling was a success
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