I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
