also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
