so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
