Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
