my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Randomize
