I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
